Save Me

I just watched a fierce battle rage - one that is fought every morning in our house.  I will set the scene - I open the garage door and let our nine pound watch kitty into the house after I get up in the morning.  She purrs ferociously, gobbles down a meal and then goes on the hunt...  The willing or unwilling participant of this battle (I haven't decided which it is yet) is huddled outside between my lilac bush and the window well.  An adorable bunny huddles absolutely still as our kitty stalks her from the window.  Our cat is frantic pacing back and forth, then crouches and looks like she is going to launch herself through the window.  Then as if knowing that - the bunny takes off around the house, and our kitty takes off after her - not outside obviously but through the house she dashes to the front window and waits there when the bunny rounds the corner.  The bunny skids to a stop and you can see fear shaking its very fur (or maybe it is just our fierce winds) - and the hunt starts all over again.... Every morning my nine pound gray fur champion enters my dwelling and goes to battle for me.  She has found me willing to defend and every morning I appreciate her efforts at saving us all from the savage bunny outside.  What is the point of this story on my blog you might ask....  The thing is that yesterday I wanted to write something and couldn't find the words.  I felt listless and tired - the stress and fears were overwhelming and I felt the walls caving in, and I told my husband I just want someone to sweep in and pick a stress and say "I've got this one for you - you don't have to think about it or carry it anymore."  What a huge weight off that would be, maybe my shoulders wouldn't be as hunched anymore, maybe my head would feel lighter and I could carry on with more hope.  The thing is I wish that I could rely on God to fight my battles for me - all my devotionals this week have been about the need to turn myself to God and let Him fight my battles for me - fight the fear and anger and jealousy.  I wish I could and I want to, but I have trouble believing that He is fighting for me and not against me.  If God were as visible as my nine pound furry warrior is every morning , and I could see the evidence of the passion on my behalf  - I would feel comforted and at peace and could let go and let God... I guess right now in my journey I desperately need to see God - God with skin on - I need to see and feel the passion and fierceness on my behalf - I desperately need that now more than ever.