Courage

I have met some amazing people in the past few weeks...  Women so full of courage and strength that I am in awe of their journeys through the battle of Neonatal Hemochromatosis.  Many of them embarked on this journey that I too find myself on years ago, and some are much more recent then my own but their will to overcome a disease that ripped so much from all of us is inspirational!  So many demonstrate their courage and faith through the stories they tell of their daily heartache and struggle as they desire to overcome, and I find myself emboldened on my journey.  I have felt so very alone as I walked through this valley - sure people who care about me have been there and loved me through this and for them and their efforts I will be eternally grateful, but none of them understood the blindsiding pain of what NH does to a family and a mother.  I have found a sisterhood - one that all of us wish we had not been inducted into, but one that we are living through, and I see their courage and I find hope.  Meeting them and hearing their stories - the good, the bad, the heartbreaking, and the triumph has done more for my heart and soul then anything else since Ethan's death.  Our babies are in heaven together gathered in the arms of Jesus, and we have found the arms of each other here - comfort across vast oceans - the arms of shared pain and joy are there wrapping around me reaching out as I read their words on my computer screen.  Why God has chosen us to walk this path I do not know, and will probably never understand.  But something I have found in these past few weeks is that I am honored to be a part of a group of women (and men) who are so full of courage, faith, and hope in their journeys.  They honor their sweet angels they sent to heaven ahead of them, and find the most amazing strength to endure and live each day.  Grief is an ever present companion for the children we do not have in our arms, and yet I am finding the ability to fill my arms with hope.  God is present - I needed this amazing group of women right now, as I have felt more in despair and without hope right now then anytime since Ethan's passing.  I keep thinking about how the year anniversary is approaching and how a year ago we were celebrating the movements of our Ethan in my belly - glowing in the joy of our growing family - happy as we have not been since.  And yet, the women that I have met and their stories have shown me that we can be happy again - it will be a new kind of happy - a deeper happy - one that understands how precious our time is, and how precious are the arms of hope.