"Everyday holds the possibility of a Miracle."

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Roller Coasters

The mere thought of getting on a roller coaster sets my heart racing.  The last time I was actually physically on one was almost 8 years ago on our honeymoon.  My new husband wanted me to come with him and I, the much in love new wife, agreed - what he did not tell me until we were strapped into our seats with our feet dangling below us was that this was the highest and fastest in the park - gulp....great!  My palms were sweating, my heart threatening to pound out my of chest, my breath was coming in short fast puffs, and my eyes were tightly squeezed shut from that moment until the ride came to a complete stop.  My legs did not quit shaking until we had gotten off, walked a short ways to collect our valuables and I collapsed on a bench.  I will never voluntarily get on another man made roller coaster in my life.  It just is not my idea of fun, never has been and never will be.  What is it about roller coasters that get me - it might be the height, but I enjoy expansive breath taking views in nature...maybe the speed - no really I like the rush....the tummy flopping twists and turns - that probably has a lot to do with it, but what really sets my body into the fight or flight mode is the fear of the unknown.  I have no idea what is going to happen once that seat starts to move and all I can do is pray that it will end, and thankfully it eventually does - probably over much faster then the amount of time I spent in anxiety over the pending ride.  Translate that into my real life roller coaster - up and down, twists and turns, the unexpected, the fear of the unknown, and the speed.  The only difference is that this extreme roller coaster that we find ourselves on right now doesn't seem to want to slow down or stop to allow me some time to recover.  There are definitely days when one thing rushes in after another and the space in time from point A to point B in a day has taken so many twists of emotion and fact that I am dizzy from it all and all I want to do is get off.  A lot of people find roller coasters fun, I don't...I find them exhausting.  But if I am real about it - they are exhausting and this roller coaster of extremes that my life, family and marriage is on right now is exhausting because I do not have control.  I have to rely on the roller coaster operator to get me safely to the end of the ride.  Once I was strapped into the seat on the roller coaster beside my new husband I had no choice but to trust the one in charge - I was in for the ride and went where they took us.  But answering the question of do I truly trust the One who is in charge of this roller coaster of life if much harder.  I feel that I have to be prepared every day for fight or flight and that is exhausting.  I want to desperately believe that the One I believe in is in control and He is guiding us and has for us a hope and a future.  But, really I am desperate for this life passage to quit twisting and turning, for my God to lean down, let me off, and lead me to a resting place.