There are many popular Christmas songs sharing what the artist wants for Christmas, two front teeth, grown up Christmas gifts like good will toward mankind, etc. My husband asked me a week ago what I want for Christmas, he like so many men is a procrastination Santa! I had to think about it... hard... it isn't like there are not things that I would love to have that would ease a daily chore or would just be fun, but I don't really want any of that. They are just things that will one day no longer be useful or will break, this Christmas I would love, with all of me, to get what can't be wrapped in a brightly colored package under my tree:
I want joy: I want that feeling of lightness of my heart and a warmth in my soul that is constant pouring itself into all of me; I want to be able to smile and laugh and have it reach my eyes.
I want peace: I want to be able to close my eyes at night and have no replays of May stream through my mind, I want to be able to watch my children play and not have a heavy heart creep in and take up residence for the ones I will never be able to watch play, and I want fear to no longer be my companion.
I want hope: I want to feel alive again instead of half dead, I want to be the optimist that I used to be, and dream a new dream.
I want time: Whatever I need to heal and be okay with that, to be and do what I am to do next and the blessing of knowing what that is, and to live each day for what is in it.
I know there are boxes for me from my wonderful husband and two precious boys under our tree, and I am sure that whatever they contain will delight, but they will not heal my heart and that is all I really want for Christmas.
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