Moment in the Journey...

As anyone who has studied or worked through the journey of grief knows there are stages - passages if you will.  You will stay inside of each point of grief for a time, experience that part fully, and then move through to the next stage.  I have felt stuck inside the stage of anger - anger at God, myself, the medical world.  Anger, sucks the life out of you, drains you and leaves you empty.  Which in reality is a very necessary stage - the anger drained me so much that I felt completely devoid of all emotion and life.  The long lasting instinct of humanity is survival, and as I have become completely drained, forcing myself to go from day to day, I began to struggle for survival to find a way to be filled.  Slowly, Slowly I feel the drips of faith - not so far as hope yet, but faith in that I am not alone on this journey.  God is indeed with me.  God gave myself and my husband a realization on Sunday - our 7th wedding anniversary.  Over the past seven years we have had some very rough spots in life that affected our marriage, and there were moments that being and staying married was by choice alone.  Our first two children, the blessings that they are, separated us more from each other, then we miscarried, and that separated us even farther.  Then came Ethan, and God used Ethan's life and death to heal our marriage.  We were two selfish stubborn individuals, who were having a really hard time becoming one.  Never have we felt closer, never have we known each other better, never have we been more in love then we are now.  Light in darkness...  My husband and I share the deepest emotion known to humanity - that of the grief of a parent loosing a child - he is the only one who truly understands, because he is the only one who also lost Ethan as I did.  When you can scrape away all the extras of life and face the deepest darkest journey one can image (unless you have been there) together - there is hope in that.  God gave us to each other for such a time as this....another drip of faith in the journey.